Obviously I'm not Southern

I watched Beauty Shop the other night while sewing & ended up with a heavy duty craving for greens; southern style mushy, garlicky, stinky greens. I have Andie MacDowell's character to thank for that.

Unfortunately I'm a Bielo-Russian/Southern German living in the Midwest which means I (clearly) have no idea how to make Southern Style Greens.

I swear I've made a good mess of greens once before. I remember my older southern neighbor, a black junk man, laughing at the fact that this skinny white girl from Wisconsin was making greens. I vividly remember the conversation & his instruction to not skimp on the garlic & hot sauce.


Nope, what ever I was remembering was wrong, dead wrong. Sure I choked down a half a bowl, but it did nothing for the craving. Something went wrong somewhere along the line. Probably a mix of issues, no meat, improper cooking technique (you can't just "toss 'em in a hot pan" apparently), general impatience that led to a short cook time, not nearly enough garlic or onions & lastly, too much Tabasco didn't help the flavor.

J suggested I pick up another package & try again, this time with Mustard Greens rather than Collards but I decided to just have a plain salad. That I know I can't mess up.